You have to keep your love alive for your making up relationship with your ex love partner
When I was 24 years old I fell madly in love. I was madly in love for three weeks, and then spent the next 30 years struggling to regain and maintain that wonderful feeling. In the course of my long marriage and in the many years I've been counselling individuals and couples, I've learned what it takes to keep love alive and what diminishes the feelings and experience of love.
The concept of what it takes to keep love alive is really quite simple, but not so easy to do. The simple answer is this: love flows between two people whose hearts are open to learning and to sharing love. The hard part is keeping the heart open.
Before I go more deeply into what does keep love alive, I want to focus on what doesn't work to keep love alive. The bottom line of what diminishes or even eventually kills loving feelings is controlling behaviour. There are two major forms of controlling behaviour that always result in dampening loving feelings:
Overt control such as anger, blame, criticism and judgment, defensiveness, lecturing, teaching, righteousness, physical violence, and so on.
Covert control such as withdrawal, withholding truth, compliance, giving oneself up, resistance, denial, and so on.
None of us like to be controlled. Most people, in the face of controlling behaviour, react with their own controlling behaviour. Controlling behaviour diminishes love because the focus is on changing the other person rather than on changing yourself. When the intention of your behaviour is to change your partner's feelings or behaviour, your behaviour will often be experienced by your partner as manipulative and/or rejecting. Trying to change how someone feels about you or treats you with overt forms of control feels manipulative and rejecting to your partner, while covert forms of control such compliance or "niceness," feels manipulative and inauthentic to the other person.
The good news is that love CAN be kept alive, even in long-term relationships. Love is kept alive when each person is more devoted to learning about being love to themselves and to each other than to getting love. The moment the intention is to get love, controlling behaviour takes over. In any given moment, we either want to be loving and share love, or to get love. Trying to get love diminishes love. Being loving and sharing love keeps love alive. Being loving and sharing love means:
Through the practice of Inner Bonding, each person learns to take responsibility for your own feelings rather than making the other person responsible for your feelings of worth, lovability, security, happiness, joy or pain.
Each person has your own and your partner's highest good at heart. Each of you supports your own and your partner's joy and well being. Both of you are considerate of the other person without giving yourselves up.
Each person chooses to be honest and authentic about how you feel and what you want and don't want. You are willing to speak your truth without blame or judgment. Each person stays open to learning about your own and your partner's wants, needs, and fears, especially in conflict.
What keeps love alive is each person's willingness to do the Inner Bonding work necessary to keep the heart open to loving and learning. Controlling behaviour is motivated by fear - of loss of self and loss of other, of engulfment and rejection, of smothering and abandonment. When each person is willing to do the Inner Bonding work necessary to heal these fears, they are able to keep their hearts open more and more of the time. Love flows freely when hearts are open to loving and learning.
Practicing the Six Steps of Inner Bonding is a powerful way of keeping love alive. Partners who both consistently practice this process discover the great joy of keeping their love alive. Even when it seems that there is no way to get love back, it does come back when both partners are devoted to learning to take loving care of themselves and to sharing their love with each other. Getting help and support from the membership community is incredible valuable in keeping you on track in your Inner Bonding practice.
We cannot give to another what we do not have within. Inner Bonding is a process for creating so much love within that it comes spilling out, to be joyously shared with others! Indeed, life is short. Don't let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans.
With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again. I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.
Any tips on getting my girlfriend back? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article?
Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://hubpages.com/hub/howshouldiwoomyexback
You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.
Jim Lim Da Hong, sgtopmarketseller@gmail.com, Freelance SelfEmployed Graduate
Related posts:
- Feel the Power of Love That Can Discover the Love That Lies Within Us All for a Wonderful Making Up Relationship With Your Ex Love Partner
- How can I keep the romance alive and feeling fresh in my long distance relationship?
- How the Love Quotes Can Improve Your Relationship With Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend for Your Making Up?
- Do you really love your partner??? Romantic Tips & Ideas
- Making Love By Richard Rhodes (1992)